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Far from handsome

So I don't play cute

11/17/10 05:05 am - An Answering Machine Message From The Toad:



7/15/10 05:33 pm

Don't delete the Toad, yo.

6/11/08 11:51 am

After careful consideration of the facts, your feelings, the evidence and the general societal norms that we live in, I’m afraid I will simply have to cordially invite you to go fuck yourself.


LOL, j/k all y'all. That's my prompt, or whatev. Obs, 'cuz I don't write like that. Not that I couldn't, yo. Do peeps think I can't?

Hello. My name is Todd. This is me, writing, with correctitude. I know there are sometimes g's on the end of words.

I can talk like that too if I rilly rilly want, but you gotta imagine it as kinda like when a stand-up comedian does a impression a how white peeps be talkin'. Which's not how my tongue talks nor my feet on no pen or keyboard neither.

Anyway. I didn't be feelin' my journal this last week. No. Not even meme's. Yea, no. I know. Blasphemy.

But it's been the kinda weather lates that be my kinda weather, which's in laymen terms known as "Swamp Ass". Like a hundred degrees an' muggy. Like the whole world's a big sauna. Like everybody an' they moms just got outta the shower an' left the door open. Wicked killer.

So I been all up in The Park (which in NYC you don't gotta say which one, like when you live just outside a NYC, an' you just say, 'I'm goin' inta The City'; everybody know whatchoo mean). 1.) I ain't the kinda douche who be bringin' no computer to the park, yo. 2.) MMM-mmm-MMM: bug central. 3.) I done also seen more kitty cats on leashes than I ever needed to in my life. It's sad yo. The itty bitty kitty committee belongs at home. For srs. 'Specially if it's small enough that I start thinkin' I could totes fit it in my mouth.

An' don't even try an 'aw sick' at me: you eaten Chinese food before, you done ate pussy. Aw yeah. I went there.

Oh, Suck. My paid account's almost up.

6/4/08 03:23 pm - Go Me! I Suck!

My Personality
Openness to Experience
You do not feel nervous in social situations, and have a good impression of what others think of you, however you feel strong cravings and urges that you have difficulty resisting. You tend to prefer short-term pleasures and rewards over long-term consequences. People generally perceive you as distant and reserved, and you do not usually reach out to others. You prefer dealing with either people or things rather than ideas. You regard intellectual exercises as a waste of your time. You do not like to claim that you are better than other people, and generally shy from talking yourself up, however you do not particularly like helping other people. Requests for help feel like an imposition on your time. You find yourself procrastinating and show poor follow-through on tasks. Often you fail to complete tasks - even tasks that you want very much to complete.

Take a Personality Test now or view the full Personality Report.

Chocolate Ugg Boots

5/28/08 02:50 am - Fending off a shark

The third foster fam they shacked me up with, the guy used to come in my room at night an' touch me.

The first lady used to smack me around fo' not washin', but she wasn't careful 'bout where she be leavin' bruises, so she got the boot. The next place, they figured out I was allergic to soap an' gave me back 'cause they wasn't equipped to deal with no "special needs" kids.

The third fam, he touched me. An' you know the kinda touchin' I mean. The bad touch. Close yo' eyes an' open wide. "Do you think it's alright to leave the boy with Uncle Ernie"/"Point to the places on this doll" style. I never done that. They don't do court with peeps like that, they just shuffle you around again.

I was nine.

The last foster fam they shacked me up with, the guy tried to come into my room one night an' touch me.

They both was wicked normal lookin', with wives. You'd think they could get theyselves a less gross kid to perv up on, but I guess not. Maybe that's what they was into. Or, 'course, obs it be my fault, what with my provocative dress an' airs, yo.

Whatev. I kicked that sick fuck hard as I could; broke alla his ribs an' punctured a lung.

I was fourteen.

S'why I tried to kill myself.

'Cuz it happened again. An' if it happened again, s'what I figured, nothin' sayin' it won't happen again. Prolly it'll happen again. It'll keep happenin'. An' I couldn't face the thought a it keepin' happenin'.

An' then some kids wouldn't let me in on they b-ball game, so I tried to kill myself an' a buncha my Frosh class.

An' then the X-geeks brain-whammied it all away.

I don't be tellin' peeps nothin'. I ain't drama. I don't be cuttin' myself or stavin' myself. I don't puke 'less I'm sick. I don't drink or do drugs. I don't fuck around. I don't cry about it. I don't ask nobody to be around, even. I'm dumb but harmless.

I don't ask nobody for nothin'.

This's stuff that happened to me. There's way more. It don't matter. I'ma never be right. I know it. But not unright enough to stop.

That's all I gotta say.

5/26/08 11:09 pm - Booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

S'like my subject line's a ghost all up in yo' face.

But srsly. I just tried to watch the first halfa The Andromeda Strain (they had me at the tag line. "It's a bad day to be human." Yeah it is too, flatscans; yeah it is too.), but there was some problemo goin' on (an' it had to be from A&E's end, 'cuz it wasn't happenin' on no other channel). We talkin' almost totes unwatchable sound AN' picture.

An' also it was boring as crap, but there was a shot a side-boob, an' also boobs covered in foam.

Not so hot as it sounds.

5/25/08 12:53 am - [LOCKED to Harry Osborn]

Yo, Harry: when an' where we meetin' tomorrow? I can't remember if we said rite now. An' I like how irresponsible askin' you all up like this looks. But whatev, s'easier if it got it's own post in my journal.

No crime sprees planned. No worries.

5/24/08 10:29 pm - The Todd is like the wind, yo

What People Think of Your Mouth

People see you as both genuine and spontaneous.

You really love life, and it shows. You are easy to get to know.

You tend to have a wide circle of friends, and many different interests.

While many people know you, no one can exactly figure you out.

What Does Your Mouth Say About You?

5/22/08 05:57 pm - I'm Scared


Seems ol' Hulk-y's made a bombs. An' lightning. An' teddy bears.

Aight then.

Back where I come from, they already made this movie a coupla years ago with the Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon guy, which you think woulda kicked, but actually it bombed, hardcore. Just fyi.

5/19/08 07:38 pm

...Aight. On account a my general dumbity an' the fact that Professor X an' the Xtacles already baked my brain like a egg, can everybody just tell me if you is you?

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